How to Officiate a Wedding Ceremony: A Timeline and Checklist

As an officiant, you play a pivotal role in the success of a wedding ceremony. Whether you're a seasoned professional or a first-time officiant who's a friend or family member of the couple, understanding the nuances of your duties is essential. This guide provides detailed insights into everything you need to know to perform your role effectively and make the wedding ceremony a memorable and seamless event.

Wedding Timeline: 8 Months Out

By 8 months out, you've typically already been asked to officiate the wedding of a couple. This is when you should hunker down and get the logistical and legal aspects taken care of.

How to actually become a legal wedding officiant

An officiant can get ordained online for free. Rules differ state-by-state, so you should check what you need to legally officiate a wedding wherever the couple is getting married. The first step will always be to get ordained online. It is completely free, and you can quickly become an ordained minister with The Provenance Center.

Check if you need to register with the court

You should do some research online to see what's required to legally marry the couple in the state where the couple is having their ceremony. This might involve registering with local authorities, and each state may have different rules.

Wedding Timeline: 6 Months Out

Interview the couple

Even if you know the nearlyweds well, you’ll all want to schedule dedicated time to ~interview~ them in order to fully ascertain their wedding day vision, ideas for cultural/religious rituals, and love story. Here are some of the most important logistical questions to ask;

• How long do you want the ceremony to be?
• How traditional do you want the ceremony script to be? Are there any nontraditional components you'd like?
• What are some examples of readings or rituals, whether they're secular or culturally resonant, we could incorporate? Modern ones are fun, too :)
• How can the ceremony honor people who passed away?

Here are the best questions for gathering the couple's love story:

• Describe the moment you realized you found “the one”.
• Why is your partner right for you?
• What do you love most about your partner?
• What are your priorities, goals, hopes and dreams for your life together?

There are a lot more questions that go into writing the perfect officiant speech, but don’t feel like you have to start from scratch in coming up with them (or finding the rituals and readings)! The folks at Provenance.co (a separate entity than The Provenance Center) created the Provenance Ceremony Builder to guide you all every step of the way. You can either craft the whole ceremony script independently, or you can collaborate on the Ceremony Builder with the couple (and you can choose to hide the Officiant Speech!).

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TIP: Start jotting down ideas in your phone notes app with memories, stories, or fun ideas that you may remember during the months before the wedding. They’ll naturally emerge when you least expect it, so write them down so you don’t forget them!

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TIP: Consider interviewing the couple’s friends and family members to get additional material and anecdotes.

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TIP: If the people you interviewed (especially the couple) are okay with having their answers recorded (via either video or audio), you can consider putting together a thoughtful gift for the couple like a custom video book.

What To Wear as a Wedding Officiant

Don’t believe the couple if they say “wear whatever you want!” You will be in all of the best photos from their wedding ceremony - they're going to care! While the couple might have trouble making a decision given the other constraints of planning a wedding, you can make it easier by asking pointed questions and proposing options. There's more information on that topic here, but some highlights include:

• Do you prefer me in a [dress / jumpsuit/ suit / tux / etc]? Is there any length requirement / should I have my shoulders/knees/ankles covered?
• Is there a specific color I should wear or avoid?
• Do you want me to do anything specific with my hair (or facial hair), nails, or jewelry?

TIP: Lulus has a ton of black jumpsuits/dresses and The Black Tux has a bunch of great suits.

TIP: If you are also in the wedding party, ask the couple if you need a separate outfit (e.g. a bridesmaids dress for the photos with the bridesmaids and an officiant outfit for the ceremony).

Wedding Timeline: 3 Months Out

Write that personalized wedding ceremony script

It’s time to get down to business. After you have completed your interview with the couple or gathered all the necessary information (whether through notes or using the Provenance Ceremony Builder), you're ready to draft the ceremony script. We suggest a structured order for the ceremony that includes the Welcome/Processional, Officiant Remarks, Readings & Rituals, Vows, Ring Exchange, and the Pronouncement.

When utilizing Provenance to compose the ceremony script, the details from the interview are seamlessly integrated into a draft using Provenance’s Script Editing Tool. This provides a robust starting point, eliminating the daunting task of beginning with a blank page. The tool also includes complete staging directions required for the ceremony, modern choices for the Declaration of Intent, options for a Group Vow, and more, ensuring a comprehensive preparation.

The script offers ample room for customization, allowing it to be tailored specifically to the couple’s unique style and preferences. Keep in mind the ceremony’s desired length and tone, which the couple has indicated, to ensure it aligns with their vision. You’re fully equipped to excel at this—after all, the couple chose you because they trust in your ability to deliver a memorable ceremony.

Align on vow books, ceremony folio, and other ceremony props

As you compile the ceremony script, it's important to consider any props that might be necessary, such as sand for a sand ceremony. You should consult with the couple to determine if these items need to be ordered. While it's not the officiant's responsibility to bear the cost of these items, taking on the task of ordering can help alleviate some of the couple's planning burdens. However, ensure that all items are approved by the couple before making any purchases. Additionally, since vow books and binders often appear in numerous photos, it’s wise to confirm with the couple if they prefer these to digital devices like iPhones or iPads, or informal options like loose papers.

TIP: Etsy has a ton of great vow books and officiant leather binder

Confirm that the couple has a plan for their marriage license

It's perfectly acceptable if the couple is already legally married or simply desires a symbolic ceremony without legal ties. However, it's crucial for you to review the logistics of the marriage license with the couple. Filing too early, too late, or in the incorrect county can complicate matters. For instance, if the couple resides in Los Angeles but is getting married in Miami, it’s important to ensure the marriage license is obtained from Miami, not Los Angeles. You must sign the license in the same county where the ceremony takes place. Thus, it's essential to verify the specific marriage license requirements for the county where the actual wedding is held, not necessarily where the couple lives.

For more, read this blog post about How To Obtain, Fill Out, and Submit a Marriage License

Wedding Timeline: 1 Month Out

Get feedback from close friends, and edit

Writing the ceremony script in isolation and anticipating how it will resonate with the couple and the audience can be challenging. You should select someone you trust and whose feedback you value to read your draft as if it's the big day. If you're uncertain about a particular line or section, consider getting input from someone close to the couple before you present it to them. If the couple wants to hear the speech before their wedding, make sure to share it with them a month in advance. This gives everyone enough time to suggest changes and finalize the script.

See how the couples' Wedding Vows are doing

The couple has a lot going on, so they may not have started their wedding vows. If they're anxious about where to begin, they can try out the Provenance Vow Builder to write personal, heartfelt vows without the stress. It'll ask them questions about their love story and then take their bulleted notes and random ideas and memories and help weave them together into a first draft they are proud of.

Wedding Timeline: 2 Weeks Out

Finish the ceremony script and practice public speaking

Look, procrastination is real, and two weeks might seem like plenty of time to finalize your ceremony script. However, don't be misled. Particularly if you're traveling to a destination wedding, unexpected events or errands are likely to arise during the final week, so it's best not to count on that time for writing. Aim to have the script nearly complete two weeks before the wedding, so if the ceremony were to occur tomorrow, it would still go smoothly. It’s natural to continue making minor adjustments as you practice, but aim to have it 93% complete by then.

TIP: You need to know the correct phonetic pronunciation of any names you'll say, so practice them to ensure accuracy.

TIP: Ask which side each person will stand on during the ceremony. This knowledge will help you direct your gaze appropriately throughout the delivery.

TIP: If possible, practice with the printed speech to replicate how you'll handle it on the day, and make sure you know where to find a working printer should you need one.

Review the couple’s vows and other wedding speeches

While there are a lot of tips on how to craft your perfect vows. the Vow Builder will also help ensure their vows are balanced in tone and length. Or of course you, can confidentially review each of their vows to offer them each light feedback.

You also can offer to review toasts that will be read at the rehearsal dinner or wedding reception so there's someone who can identify if the same story is being told too many times or if there's anything in there the couple wouldn't want. If anyone needs help getting started with their toasts, the Provenance Toast Builder is a great tool for writing a memorable wedding speech.

Talk to the Wedding Planner or Day-of Coordinator (if there is one)

Ask the couple if you can connect directly with the wedding planner or day-of coordinator so you can get answers to the below questions.

• Audio Equipment: Will there be a podium, hand mic, floor mic, headset, or something else?
• Music Cues: Are there specific cues for who walks when, or when the guests need to rise or sit during the ceremony?
• Script Announcements: Are there any announcements you should add to your script before or after the ceremony? (e.g., "The couple asks that no photos or videos be taken during the ceremony; instead, they invite you to be fully present with them.")
• Ceremony Logistics: Are there any logistics for setting up or clearing out rituals or readings, such as microphones, props, tables, or chairs, that you will be involved in?
• Storage for Personal Items: Where can you leave the marriage license and a change of clothes (if you need one) during the ceremony?
• Rehearsal Leadership: Would they prefer to lead the rehearsal, or should you? More details on this below.

Get Last-Minute Questions Answered by the Couple

If there’s no planner or coordinator, you should check with the couple on the list of questions above, in addition to the below:

• Ceremony Items: Who will bring the following to the ceremony: Vows, Marriage License, Items needed for rituals and/or readings?
• Ceremony Order: What’s the processional order, seating/standing arrangement, and recessional order?
• Aisle Accompaniment: Who’s walking each partner down the aisle?
• Ring Bearer: Who will have the rings during the ceremony? (Usually it’s the Best Man)
• Bouquet Handoff: Who will the bride hand the bouquet to before the remarks begin? (Usually it’s the Maid of Honor)
• Vow Order: Who is sharing their vows first?

TIP: You should make sure to have all of the answers above added to the ceremony script so you don’t forget.

TIP: You should review the marriage license with the couple ahead of time so there are no surprises and so that you have time to research any questions before the big day. Go through each of the fields and make sure you all know how to fill it out. Call the county clerk’s office if you have any questions.

Wedding Timeline: Wedding Rehearsal Checklist

If applicable, the couple should bring:

• Marriage license
• Their wedding vows
• Any items needed for rituals and/or readings such as handfasting ribbons

The officiant should bring:

• Printed ceremony script in binder (if applicable)
• Items needed for rituals and/or readings (if applicable)
• Copy of the couple’s vows (just in case)
• Pen with black ink (to sign the marriage license)
• Mints (not gum!) & deodorant (trust us)

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TIP: If officiant is not a professional, people will be asking you “are you ready??” “are you nervous?!” While the officiant may honestly want to respond “READY? I AM FREAKING OUT,” perhaps consider saving that response for a trusted friend or family member. Instead evoke confidence to the guests and the couple. This is “fake it til you make it” territory. Tell them you feel great and can’t wait. You got this.

Officiant script example for the wedding rehearsal

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More information on what the officiant needs to do at the rehearsal can be found here.

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TIP:  Don’t forget to have some fun! A little laughter and levity can help calm your nerves and will get people excited / set the tone for an amazing weekend.

TIP: Make sure you have final stage directions added into your script (e.g., motion for people when to stand and sit down at the top of the ceremony, step to the side while the vows happen/for the kiss, and tell the couple to hold hands during the ring exchange).

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Wedding Timeline: The Wedding Day

Last-minute wedding day ceremony checklist

LET’S DO THIS! You’ve been preparing for months, and now the big day is finally here. It's going to be amazing.

Here's the last-minute officiant checklist for the ceremony:

• Bring the marriage license and the appropriate colored pen.
• Carry your printed ceremony script in a binder.
• Have several copies of the couple’s vows on hand.
• Pack any necessary ceremonial items, such as a glass and plate for breaking.
• If you're changing outfits (e.g., switching from a bridesmaid's dress to an officiant outfit), bring both sets of outfits along with corresponding shoes and jewelry.
• Ensure you are dressed appropriately, and have mints and deodorant ready to use.
• Remember to step out of the frame before the couple's big kiss to avoid appearing in those crucial photos (double-check that this instruction is included in your script!).
• Take a moment to breathe deeply and reassure yourself that you are prepared and ready for this role.

…And after the officiant does an incredible job and both partners have said “I do”…

Sign the marriage license

Depending on the rules in your county, the officiant, the couple, and two witnesses, also need to sign the marriage license. Here is our guide on who needs to sign the marriage license.

...and once you've all signed the marriage license...

Go celebrate!

Hit the dance floor or bar - whichever place you feel like you can really let loose and celebrate.

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TIP: It can be fun for the officiant to have a celebratory drink with the couple, if you're all into that!

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Conclusion

With this guide, you will be well on your way to crafting an incredible wedding ceremony that truly reflects the couple's personalities and relationship. Remember to stay organized, communicate clearly with the couple and other vendors, and always be flexible and open to changes. And of course, have fun and enjoy the experience. Officiating a wedding is a very special role to hold.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure about any part of the process, remember that tools like the Ceremony Builder, Vow Builder, and Toast Builder are designed to help you create a personalized and unforgettable ceremony. Get started and take full advantage of these resources to enhance your officiating experience.

Cheers,

The Provenance Center Board

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FAQs

How do I become a legally ordained wedding officiant?

To become a legally ordained officiant, you can register online through an organization like The Provenance Center. The process is free and can be completed quickly. After registering, you'll receive an ordination certificate, making you eligible to officiate weddings in many states. However, check your local state regulations as some areas may require additional steps.

What are the legal requirements for officiating a wedding in different states?

Legal requirements for officiating a wedding vary by state. Some states may require you to register with the state or county clerks' offices and provide your ordination certificate. Others might have more specific requirements like attending a seminar or obtaining a letter of good standing. It's important to research the specific requirements in the state where the wedding will take place.

What should an officiant wear to a wedding?

As an officiant, you should wear attire that complements the formality and style of the wedding. Discuss with the couple beforehand if they have a specific color scheme or dress code. Typically, neutral colors like black or navy are safe choices. Ensure your outfit is respectful and appropriate for the occasion.

Do we need to have a wedding rehearsal the day before the wedding?

While a rehearsal isn't legally required, we highly recommend doing it. It helps you, the couple, the vendors, and the wedding party know exactly how the ceremony will unfold so that everything looks beautiful on the wedding day.

Can  a friend or family member legally officiate our wedding?

Yes, a friend or family member can legally officiate your wedding if they become ordained. The process can often be done online through an ordination service. They should also check local state laws to see if additional registration or steps are needed to officiate legally.

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